Well, I haven't felt this way in over 2 years, since my ex and I were together. I have to say, it's confusing, complicated, and completely out of my comfort zone. I think about it way more than I should, and I find it affecting my daily life. It's exciting, but I'm mostly scared, because I don't want to ruin things... I really, really like someone. Someone that I'm good friends with.
I am usually very outgoing and don't have a hard time keeping a conversation going with basically anyone that can speak. I can comfortably talk to him, but when it seems to be an appropriate time to maybe tell him how I feel, I get crazy nervous and shut up like a clam. I feel like I'm in middle school again, and I really don't know how to handle myself. We have a lot of mutual friends, so things could potentially get messy if feelings aren't reciprocated and get hurt. And by that, I mean mine.
My biggest problem is that I truly enjoy spending time with this guy. That should sound fine and dandy, like I should be happy to just be able to spend time with someone that I enjoy being with, but the entire time I'm with him, I just keep wishing it was more; wishing he would hold my hand, that he could introduce me as his girlfriend... But alas, here I sit with my computer and a glass of wine, alone on my couch. It's completely my fault. I really should just grow a pair and tell him how I feel; that I want to cuddle, and watch movies, and cook dinner together. But self-preservation and my fears of rejection are ridiculously overwhelming, enough to keep me from saying anything.
Since when does 23 feel like 13?
